SISTERS! I've heard the word used to describe family relationships, ethnic women, to drive a point home; "oh no you won't sister girl," and to express the emotion and depth of women that have a connection that is worthy of a word richer than "girlfriend"
If you are blessed to actually have a relationship (meaning a deep abiding loving connection) with a "birth sister," in past years I would have envied you. When you live in the midst of a "family" that is nothing like the families you see others experiencing, you get the sense that you should keep it a secret. I grew up witnessing my girlfriends and their moms hug, hearing stories about the weekend with all the family, family photos, grandma's birthday, parents anniversary gatherings, baptisms, and family vacations. The fractured family is something that most adults don't talk about. It's easier to allow everyone to assume that all is well in the neighborhood. There can be embarrassment about having a family that is disjointed because as soon as the subject of family comes up, more questions arise.
Ms. Well Meaning: What are you doing for the holidays?
Teej: Oh, I'm probably staying put.
Ms. Well Meaning : Where's your family?
Teej: Indy
Ms. Well Meaning: Can't you get there and get back?
Teej: Yes I could, but I think I'll just stay home.
Ms. Well Meaning: Do you have sisters?
Teej: Yes
Ms. Well Meaning: Oh you should go home, I'm sure your sisters miss you!
Teej: Hum, well... maybe...
Ms. Well Meaning: Me and my sisters stay up baking all night and catching up. We stay in our childhood bedrooms that our mom has kept just the way we left them and now our daughters stay in them too. My sisters are my best friends, we do everything together. Tell me about your sisters!
I used to squirm my way and navigate my way out of the most uncomfortable conversations ever. Eventually I was able to transition to a more solid response; "my sisters and I aren't close, it happens." After years of pain, disconnection, broken heartiness, and a longing for acceptance, I invited the concept of creating my own sisters. If I believed that a loving romantic relationship would show up, then why wouldn't "even more" love come my way? I wanted sisters!
"Sometimes The Loveline is thicker than the Bloodline"
Over the last 25 years I have been blessed with giving heart to numerous sister relationships. I have sisters of multiple ethnicities, living in a wide variety of geographic locations, and sisters from different countries. Danielle was my first "sister by choice." We spent our time together smoking cigarettes, talking on the phone, sharing secrets, making bad boyfriend choices, and loving one another through it. Lisa and I chose to be sisters in 1989 and we remain deeply connected and anchored in love and truth. Karen and I connected in 1992 and we laughed and loved our way right through difficult job changes, crazy bosses and divorce. Mary became a "sister by choice" in 1991. Older than me, she taught me what was coming, and helped me prepare. She continues to show me both "mothering and sistering" to this day. I also have numerous little sisters that I truly love and can't wait to witness how their lives unfolds; Xyria, Zanna, Camille, Lola Latrice, Jerusalem, and Manda.
Then there's Kat. She is my sister in a different way than any other sister...she is a "sister by heart." There is a sacred alignment that we share; We are both smart women, spiritual women, and we both benefit equally from choosing each other. We will see one another through the rest of our lives and I know that for certain. We have experienced some of the most challenging health issues together; she carried me through my accident and now I cradle her through breast cancer. We will care for, support and love each others children and life partners through whatever comes. I am comforted by knowing who will be there for me as I journey to the other side of my life. We are real sisters and that's all I was looking for.
Teej
